The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.” It’s that bitter-sweet time of year again… time to go back to school. Our youngest child, Abby, is starting kindergarten this year. It’s hard to believe that she was only seven months old when we moved here, yet she’ll be turning five in a week. We got her registered a couple of weeks ago and met her teacher. She’s looking forward to seeing all of her friends, but I don’t know how she feels about being in school all day. It reminds me of one little girl, just home from her first day of kindergarten, who was asked by her mother, “Honey, what did you learn today?” The little girl replied, “Not much. I’ve got to go back tomorrow.”
As parents we want the best for our children. We want them to get along with the other kids in school. We want them to respect their teachers, to pay attention and get good grades. We realize that school is an important part of growing up that helps prepare them for college, careers and life in general. But, as Christians, we’re also aware that a good spiritual education is even more valuable and important. The Bible urges us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV).
Despite this promise, however, recent studies show that a sobering number of young adults brought up in the church are departing the faith shortly after high school graduation. According to a new study by LifeWay Research, 70% of teens and young adults who regularly attended church during their high school years, drop out by age 23 and completely disengage from active participation in the Christian faith. Only about 35% of dropouts resumed attending church regularly by age 30, which means the church is losing an alarming number of young people. Over half of our teenagers give up on church and many of them give up on God altogether as they transition into adulthood.
As a pastor, these statistics concern me. As a parent, they terrify me. What are we doing wrong? And more importantly, what can we do about it?
A fellow preacher spoke in Houston Texas a few months back. While he was there and a good sized man with a good sized belt buckle came up to him with tears in his eyes. He started telling the story of his prodigal daughter. Sadly, I’ve had this happen too often myself. Often the parent is looking for answers. Where did I go wrong? What can I do now? But this guy wasn’t looking for an explanation. In one sentenced he put his finger on what he thought happened in the case of his daughter. He said, “We raised her in Church, but we didn’t raise her in Christ.”
What was true for him is true for so many. I think we are raising a generation of children in the church, but not in Christ. An hour a week of Sunday School or Youth Group, just isn’t enough. It’s like an inoculation. A little bit of Jesus growing up can make them immune to the real thing as adults.
So what do we do about it? How do we, as parents, train our children up in the way they should go? Thankfully, God’s Word gives us some answers. In the book of Deuteronomy, the people of Israel had just settled the Promised Land and God wanted to ensure their faithfulness for generations to come. This is what he told them:
“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. 5 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9 NLT).
This call to parents underscores three things we can do to train up our children in the Lord; in the way they should go and ensure that when they are old, they won’t depart from it. The first thing we can do is train them up in the school of your love.
- THE SCHOOL OF YOUR LOVE
This passage gives us what Jesus calls the single most important command in all of Scripture: “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5 NLT).
Moses is describing a deep, life-encompassing, life-altering love for God! God is calling you to a passionate love-relationship with himself. It’s crazy, if you think about it. The God of the universe—the Creator of nitrogen and pine needles, galaxies and e-minor—loves us with a radical, unrelenting, unconditional, self-sacrificing love. And what’s our typical response? We go to church, sing songs, and try not to cuss.
The most important thing we can do for ourselves and our kids is fall in love with God! Can you remember the first time you fell in love? When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love. You’ll drive for hours to be together, even if it’s only for a short while. You don’t mind staying up late to talk. Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying. You’ll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you’re crazy about. When you’re apart from each other, it’s painful, even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together. When you’re wildly in love with someone, it changes everything.
The Bible says that God is love. He loves you personally, powerfully, and permanently. And he longs for you to love him the same way. And parents, your kids—especially when they’re young—tend to love what you love.
My son is crazy about superheroes—Superman, Batman, Spider-man, Captain America. He loves them all. He’s watched every episode of every cartoon. He gets excited every time he sees a new superhero Lego set or a new superhero movie hits theaters. Of course, he gets his love for superheroes from me. I never told him to love comic-book heroes; I didn’t have to. He’s been raised his whole life in a home with a dad who loves superheroes. My interests, my passion, my love rubbed off on him and he made it his own. The same thing happens when we love the Lord with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. A deep, abiding love for the Lord is the most important thing you can pass on to your kids.
The second thing you can do for your kids is train them in the school of your life.
- THE SCHOOL OF YOUR LIFE
The next verse in Deuteronomy, says this: “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today” (Deuteronomy 6:6 NLT).
What commands is Moses talking about? Well if back up to chapter 5 of Deuteronomy we find Moses reading allowed the commands God gave him on Mount Sinai—what we call the Ten Commandments.
- I am the Lord your God, you must no other gods but me.
- You must not worship or bow down to idols made of stuff.
- You must not use my name in vain or empty ways.
- You must observe the Sabbath and keep it holy.
- You must honor you father and mother.
- You must not murder.
- Don’t commit adultery.
- Don’t steal.
- Don’t lie.
- Don’t covet what other people have.
Of course, there are countless more commands in Scripture, but these Ten are like the preamble to the Constitution. They are God’s basic rules for how we should live, how we should act toward him, and one another. There are 3 dos and 7 don’ts. The first 4 deal with our relationship to God and the last 6 deal with our relationship to other people. One or two deal with how we worship one day a week, the rest deal with how we live the other six days a week.
Christianity isn’t something that happens behind stain-glassed windows for an hour on Sunday mornings; it happens every day as we live out God’s instructions for life. God wants your life to align with his commands. When it does, your kids will notice.
A preacher once asked the all preschoolers in Sunday school to draw a picture of God. He intended to use them as an illustration for his Sunday sermon. Toward the end of class the children were excited to show him their work. They came up with rainbows and men with big hands. But one little girl showed him her picture—a man with a suit and tie on. “I don’t know what God looks like,” she said, “so I just drew my daddy.” Wouldn’t it be great if your kids saw so much of God in you that they did the same thing?
G. Campbell Morgan, a profound British preacher, influenced millions with his preaching, teaching and writing. All four of his sons followed in his footsteps and also became pastors. One day, a reporter asked the youngest son, Howard, “Since you have five Pastors in your family, I’m curious, who is the greatest preacher among you?” Howard surprised the reporter by saying, “My Mother! Her life and example is the greatest sermon I’ve ever heard.”
Parents, let your life be the greatest sermon your kids ever hear!
Finally, there’s one more thing we as parents can do to instill faith in young hearts. We can train them by our lips.
- THE SCHOOL OF YOUR LIPS
Let me read the last couple verses from this passage again. In regard to God’s commands Moses says, “Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9 NLT).
In other words, we have to do more than love God, live our lives for him and hope that our kids catch on. We have to talk to them about God, about Jesus, about the Bible, about church, about prayer, about faith, hope and love.
First, we need to talk to them about God’s Word intentionally. Moses said, “repeat them again and again.” Other translations say, “Impress them upon your children.” It takes constant reinforcement to train a child up in the Lord. And this isn’t anything new; if you’re a parent, you should be use to repeating yourself. Sunday School and Junior worship are a great aid for parents in reinforcing and impressing God’s word on your kids. After church, on the way home, ask your kids what they learned, what they discussed. Younger kids will have memory verses, that you can help them with throughout the week. Repetition of concepts or specific Scriptures is necessary to really ingrain God’s Word in their hearts and minds.
Furthermore, we need to talk to our kids about God’s Word relationally. Again Moses said, “Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road…” In other words, look for those quiet moments to talk about spiritual things. Every morning brings fresh opportunities and teachable moments. But all too often we just let them pass us by. One of the best times to talk is meal time. There is something about a shared meal—not some holiday blowout, but a regular reliable meal—that anchors a family. Turn off the TV, gather around the table, take time to pray, and discuss spiritual matters of the day. Another opportune time is on the road. Often the richest conversations, the moments of genuine intimacy, take place in the car, say, on the way back from soccer at dusk, when the low light and lack of eye contact allow secrets to surface and spiritual conversations to take place. Take advantage of those moments.
Finally, we need to talk to about kids about God’s Word, routinely. Moses says to talk about God’s commands “when you’re going to bed and when you’re getting up.” In our house, we have a brief family devotion every night. We read a chapter of the Bible, talk about it, sing a song and say a prayer. I know this gets harder as your kids get older—especially when they have their own driver’s license. They’ve got football, baseball, volleyball, cheerleading, and friends and dates, the list goes on and on. Maybe it’d be easier to have your family devotions in the morning. But it really comes down priorities. If instilling your kids with faith and getting them rooted in God’s Word is important to you, then you’ll find time to talk to them and help them get into God’s Word so that God’s Word can get into them.
Conclusion:
Please understand that this is not a formula. Sometimes kids from wonderful Christ-centered homes abandon their faith; people from messed-up family backgrounds find eternal life in Jesus and have beautiful marriages and families. But it’s also not a crapshoot. In general, children who are led in their faith during their growing-up years by parents who love Jesus vibrantly, serve their church actively, and saturate their home with the gospel completely, grow up to love Jesus and the church.
I think Aristotle was right. “The roots of education are bitter (it’s not always fun or easy—it’s hard work), but the fruit is sweet (seeing your children or grandchildren grow up to love Jesus and the church makes it all worth it).”
Invitation:
No matter how old you are or what stage of life you’re in—whether you’re a parent, grandparent, student, or none of the above—God still wants you to love him with all your heart, soul and strength, to align your life if his commands, and to teach others about him. If you want to give your heart to him today and start living your life for him, then please talk with me as we stand and sing.